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Today

I want to find the perfect combination of ideal and form words, but I have no hint of mathematical or artist. I have pieces of many things, but none worth. They say it takes time to be an expert. I read somewhere once that anyone can be if the age of twenty years had almost ten thousand hours individually. I have a eighteen and yet I am no expert to be Elvira. Maybe if I wait a couple of years I will not be only an amateur.

Today my heart hurts, late empty, endless, in my thoughts daily. Today everything is useless, because I am. This day break and my lungs are filled with failure. Need the hand of my Valentine. No, do not need it, want it. I want their pat on my shoulder.

I see my own pieces and I remember the other bits of my life. My mind flies and I'm a girl. Memory is not only parts, missing pieces, half reality and half lie.

I see my mother, half it, half do not know who. I remember. I think things have not changed much. She always has been.

Miss Me No hugs, silent. I do not need anything else. Sometimes people do not understand that silence is the only thing that saves us from the misfortunes, as when we are not mathematicians or artists and we can not find perfect combinations of letters. Silence like a mattress not asleep, but dreaming.

Today

sleep on those long arms and comforting. I think of all those bits of life before sending them to memory. While the observed disappear hurts, but do not cry, because my heart is empty and I can not be Elvira.

Marithe Francois Girbaud E-shoping 2011

heart hurts right now I'm living, ever return to me. The outsider

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Tuesday was kind of philosophy of science and the teacher begins to say that everything feels a loser when it will cave, which is made to a corner and begins to watch them all. Then observe the behavior of individuals and all social rituals that occur in that environment.

I was too identified with what he said. I suppose many would pass. To me I really dislike most about going to nightclubs and bars in those where people dance. I really feel ridiculous at the moment I set foot inside. Sometimes it is very difficult to ride the situation, especially in such circumstances. I also ask myself aside, I sit and watch.

This is something I have done a long time, but began to become more recurring act in high school.

Before entering high school, I was in a very small school. When I entered high school, I was surprised by the large number of young people gathered in one place. In the case of my high school there were some common areas for all students. Some gathered in the main little square, others in "house" and some other nomads sat on benches outside of these countries. The people were gathered in one place according to their social status. In my high school were very few, were all equal, and while we gathered in small groups derrepente for recess, we were under the fuchi and we went out together. I had no idea of different labels exist in the secular only were the ready and idiots ... and really gave him no great importance.

In high school, a chance encounter people I met with "good" but I had no idea there was such marked social classes in youth. I found terms that I had never heard before: strawberries, freaks, goths ... among others. People also spent time with their peers in class quality of life I discovered that these were called "peers." always felt really outsider because although it became very good friends, and all kinds, I never felt that qualified for any of the classifications. When I say this is not for me the "original" or "unique", this was something that really made me sick during my puberty. I looked too normal to be freak, and inside was too freak to be normal. I felt alone, separated from others, why I was not very difficult to get myself out observe the social and youth from another perspective.

In places like high school, clubs, establishments in general, I always feel enclosed in a box. A box with some function. Dens for example, have a function that does not make sense to me. For starters, you pay to enter a box, a box full of smoke (depending on location), a box full of noise, a crowded box, a box full of alcohol. People will drink alcohol this overpriced box, to fill their lungs with smoke, listening to music with an overwhelming volume and disclosed. To me it makes no sense, personally, I feel like masochism. You maltratándote yourself, making a damaging social event ... The box is an illusion, then it seems that life is there, people trying to survive, coexist with others live .. This box is full of emotions, pheromones, intentions, rituals ... but it is only one box. So ridiculous ... Who came up with a ball lock people in such a place?

I must admit that I have gone to other clubs, but often they are told. Almost always a compromise ... I can not remove me from society, after all, I must allow flow carried away by the social from time to time. But since last year I went to Playa del Carmen and I grabbed his ass 3 times in different clubs (and was not even dancing ... was bitter philosophizing) decided not to step on a dive back NEVER AGAIN. So my time has passed observation of social behavior in club's night.

As I was saying all this is that I'm glad, thanks to my teacher, I'm not the only rare that it does.

I think people who feel as I feel this way:

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This is something I had been waiting since last year. When I got the acceptance letter last week could not process it as needed. In part, I was in shock, which prevented me thrill as it should. On the other hand, I knew my dad would be very sad because I was in Monterrey. He says I'm not going to return, and something inside me says it could happen. At the moment the plan is just finishing a race there and then also apply for one or two masters.

is difficult to explain to my parents what will become of my life because I really do not know (and nobody would know), but it is more difficult to explain what is happening. I do not know what holds me, and how things have been happening in my life has been unexpected. I have really wanted to have adventures and learn many things. Never stop studying, but my parents fear that one day happen. Deciding to go to study in Europe gives some afraid, think I'm running away from them and little by little I'm going to forget my beloved parents, which will never happen.

When I think of this reminds me of Piaget and his studies of cognitive development in children, specifically the theory of object permanence. In the case of children, early as two years, children begin to manipulate objects, observe, understand, but not yet processed the object permanence. Children of this age, for example, you can teach a toy and let him play with it, then take it off and put it out of reach. The child will try to take it. However, if you cover the object a dryer, for example, the child will believe that the object has disappeared. I feel that my parents, like many Mexican parents, the same thing happens. The fact that their children go away from them, makes them think they disappeared, they never return. But in my case, I will always be there for them, like them for me, although it can not be physically at his side all the time.

Whatever happens, I'm happy at least now know that if I go to study in Belgium the next couple of years of my life. I am very proud to have been accepted at the Katholieke Universiteit Leuven. Well, I'm in the summer to learn the Dutch, which will Another interesting story.

did not know whether to share this with people, few people know, but few people read my blog, so good, at least you will know.

:)

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2011 I accepted

Something curious has this year. For the first time (I think) I give importance to leap from one year to another. This year it may take many things I hope, or it may be that "from plate to mouth drop soup." My mom tells me "It'll be what God wants, you Commend yourself to Him, He knows what is best for you." and it takes a lot of work because I think what if I do not want Like God, or do not want what is best for me. Anyway, will be will be, whatever will be.

This year I did not think a list of purposes ... I'm just thinking about it.

probably will be:

1. Get well good. (This goal is rola from year to year.)

2. Read more. (Like this.)

3. Give a 360 º to my life. (That I'm trying.)

4. See my boyfriend as much as possible. (EXTREMELY NECESSARY)

5. Grow my hair.

6. Paint more.

As you see, are not very interesting, but are simple and are of those things that make me happy.

2010, jamais.

2011, please treat me well.